It was something I feared would happen for years. It was something I dreaded and worked so hard NOT to allow it to happen. I fought against it and never realized how miserable it made me.
But as of about noon on Thursday, July 10th, it was officially and legally declared that I am now a single woman. I never knew how absolutely relieved I would feel. I'm free from the bondage that had me for so long. On the surface life looked good. I fought the good fight and did everything possible to force the marriage to work....but it didn't.
In the end, I can look back with no regrets. I wasn't a perfect wife. In fact, I became quite a shrew in the past few years because I was tired of fighting to make something happen that just wasn't going to work. I tried to force Mike into a role he couldn't fulfill--that of a good husband.
It's an old cliche, but marriage is a two-way street. I used to say to Mike in frustration, "Do you see that one of my legs is longer than the other? It's because I am dragging this ball and chain all by myself!" Well the shackles have been cut and the chains have fallen! (Can I get a "hallelujah!"?)
When I first got married, I was young and naive. Back then I thought I didn't have worth unless my marital status was that of "Mrs." Because of low self-esteem, I thought Mike was the best I could ever find. I wrote in my journal back then that I was actually mad at him because he wasn't my ideal man. Yet I married him anyway.
If and when I ever decide to marry again, it will not be because I need the man to define who I am. It will be because we have a mutual respect, friendship, and love for one another and want to join together in a true partnership.
For now, it's nice to revel in this newfound independence.