Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Freedom


July 4th will not only mark our country's day of independence, but also my own independence in a way. It will be the 11-month anniversary of that infamous day when I found Mike's journal that opened with the words, "I love Brandy......." All the fears that had cornered me over the last few years rushed at me and engulfed me. He finally, actually had done it. After all the threats and warnings that if he cheated on me again, it would be over.....it finally came to pass.

I remember that first night after I made him leave, Katie, Emily, and I all crammed into the same bed, all very frightened, none of us able to sleep. A part of me hoped Mike would walk back in the door and tell me it was all just a bad joke and a nightmare. That he was still the good man he was back when he married me. That he only loved, desired, and was faithful to me.

But real life doesn't happen that way. I can say I have been through every range of emotion in this, but here we are, almost a year later. Hopefully the divorce papers will be signed this week (now that Mike has finally fired his crazy lawyer who has kept this dragging on way too long). I also will close on the refinance loan this week that will put the house in my name alone.

Last year at this time, things were pretty tense around this household. Katie already knew about the affair and Emily had her suspicions. I was clueless although I knew something was severely wrong with Mike. He had already become a stranger and I was feeling really creeped out, but I just didn't know why.

All in all, we just don't know how our lives can change in such a short time, do we? It's making me appreciate each moment, even the bad ones. It's all part of the journey, and I have to say, despite all the heartache, I'm really liking the Mary Jo I've become (and am becoming). Who knows where life will take me next. Or what my journal entry will say a year from now. All I can say is that I'm looking forward to the adventure!

To all of you who may be going through it, whatever it is in your own life, hang it there. The bad stuff won't last and when you do make it through, there will be an incredible liberty like you have never known!

2 comments:

Trish said...

thanks for the comment-I hope you have fun at the midnight party, you'll have to take a pic and put on your blog :) I can't wait to read the book-I am hoping Bella becomes a vampire,how about you?

Lisa said...

I'm back and still addicted. I find myself coming back many times a day and wating to keep writing. LOL Glad to hear things are going well for you and the girls!