Saturday, October 23, 2010

A Symbol of My Life

This is my "tree" that my ex's grandmother gave us in the last year of our marriage. It looked different then. It was tall, ugly, and gangly. I wanted to leave it out on the deck in the winter to die, along with my marriage. But I didn't. And the next spring, along with my new life, I hacked away at all the old crap. There was new growth at the bottom, and this is what it looks like 3 years later. A symbol of my life. Oh, and I love the tree now, by the way! And my life. :o)

You can see in the background the gangly ugliness of the tree in its previous life (and we won't talk about the guilt flowers from my ex when I had NO CLUE he was being unfaithful to me, but I digress!)

Monday, October 11, 2010

Let Me Eat Cake ;o)

Last Friday night, I enjoyed a delicious slice of my ex-husband's wedding cake.

Yes, you heard that right!

The wedding and reception were held at the couple's house so my daughters, in their beautiful bridesmaid dresses, brought home enough leftovers for us to host a small dinner party ourselves. As I stood in my kitchen and partook of the delicious chocolate and cream cheese cake (home made by the bride herself), I smiled and thought of how far I have come in these past few years.

In fact, as hard as it is to explain, I felt a sense of elation that my ex was remarrying. Even though we have been disconnected for some time, this day seemed to pronounce an even deeper sensation of liberty in my life. It makes no sense, I know, but I think someday I will see.

Forgiveness is quite a beautiful thing. It is indeed a gift from God as I never ever could forgive that man on my own. Harboring anger, resentment and the bitterness that stems from it only served to make me a miserable person. As time passed, I realized how much better my life has become as a single woman. This sense of liberty arose within me, a freedom like I never knew.

I remember talking to God several years ago, feeling so trapped in a miserable marriage, wondering, "Is this all there is to life? I made a vow, 'till death do us part,' that I will adhere to, but God, is this as good as it gets?" The simple reply I got and didn't understand at the time was, "Just wait."

I received my own proposal of marriage a few weeks ago from a lovesick man who just isn't my type. His affection is endearing, but makes me realize what an independent woman I have become. At one time in my life, I felt I needed a husband to make me worthwhile. I took the first best thing to come along, even though there were many flaws and it wasn't a good match. There was true love for awhile, but it was short-lived (on his part anyway) and it left me in the cold, wondering what in the world I had been doing.

So I celebrated that night with that sweet slice of cake, wishing my ex and his bride all the best in my mind (and lots of good luck to her!!)

The path before me opens ever wider. Unlimited possibilities are within reach.

Dreams really do come true, Cinderella, and they don't always revolve around a prince.

It's a piece of cake! ;o)