Saturday, July 19, 2008

Contemplating. . .

I usually don't like pictures of myself, but this one I do. This is me: wet, messy hair and all. Contemplating, planning, thinking, looking forward to the future. You can see the joy about ready to burst forth out of me at any second! ;o)

Does anyone know a word for, "Little things that make me really excited and happy?" For me, it would be blank journals! I guess because I flip through the clean pages, really hungry to know what they will say someday. I've been journaling daily. It has been very healing and inspirational for me. It's stirring up a lot of creativity that has been dormant for a long time.

I don't normally buy books (because I have a bookshelf-full already!) Although we visit either Borders or Barnes & Noble weekly, my money is usually spent on a cafe mocha. I must have been in a book-buying mood last night because I couldn't resist these!

Here is a glimpse inside the Italy book. I sat in Borders last night and got completely LOST in this!!

Just some thoughts on my life since my divorce became final last week. . .

There has been nothing but RELIEF. I expected to feel a little sadness, but I think I worked through all that in the long months of the separation.

This week I had to meet Mike at the bank one last time to split our stimulus check from the government. I think he was a little disappointed in my genuine happiness.

For the last 10 - 12 years, I have worked SO hard on saving my marriage. On the surface everything appeared fine. I realized several years ago that Mike wasn't going to try, so I carried all the weight myself. I even tried to make him change. But the more I pushed, the more he drifted away. Even when I backed off, it made no difference. But I was bound and determined to make this marriage work.

I think the relief stems from the fact that I no longer am working to attain the unattainable. I'm really set free. Although I want to just fly forward into my future, I know this is like a waiting phase for me, to gather my bearings, to get my ducks in a row, to enjoy life to the fullness, to appreciate each and every moment of each new day.

( I made this plate at a ceramics night organized by my sister-in-law, Jeneane. We had a great time, and I was really pleased with the outcome of this!)


Trish said...

nice pic of you :) ahhh!!I LOVE blank journals, half the time I don't finish them(well most of the time) because I want to start over with a nice new fresh journal!!(kinda the same way with the cute notebooks they have out nowadays) Good job on the plate!
p.s. thanks for the comment on my paper bag album and yes, I free handed PART of the doodles...the rubons had a few doodles, but i just went over them and made more too-I love to doodle:) OK, I have to get back to cleaning as soon as I check out your Twilight stuff!have a great weekend!

Rhona said...

I'm so glad you're feeling free after the divorce. Perhaps that's why I separation period is a good thing - it gives you the space to go through everything and be in a better place when the divorce does go through. Looking forward to seeing what you do next!