Birthdays!

We break from this crazy life to do something normal--celebrate birthdays! My 44th was this past August 13th. Katie will be 15 tomorrow, August 22nd and Emily will be 12 this Sunday, August 26th. Here is the celebration my friends at work had for me. Despite all I'm going through, I actually look happy here--results of years of tension, stress, doubt, and fearfulness draining from my life at last.

Diana, Mary Jo, Linda

Diana's kids made the decorations!

My good friend and resident photographer, Bina! She's moving to Chicago next month. We will really miss her.

Susan, Bina, MJ, Stella

Moving On

It's been a year since the sun room was built. While it was under construction, I felt God was telling me, "Behold, I am doing a new thing. " I knew that just didn't mean the physical building, but a New Thing in my life, in the church, and in those around me. So now I know what the New Thing is. New things are not always easy, but sometimes necessary, but eventually will turn into a Good Thing.

Thanks so much for all the kind and encouraging words, prayers, offers of help, and general support. I appreciate you all! For the select few who thought this blog was not the appropriate place to air my "dirty laundry." Well, the "unsubscribe" button can be found at the bottom of this page!!

Katie, Emily, and I are moving forward. We have a new habit of gathering every evening to pray specifically for Mike. We're working on forgiveness. I anticipate having a friendly, working relationship with the father of my children. I've even come to the place where I can pray for the current "other woman." What a life it must be to have so many deep-seated issues. It makes me thankful for the life God has blessed me with.

Something that was so hurtful has turned into a blessing. The tension, stress, doubt, and fear that he would cheat again has drained out of the house. No more toilet seats left up, clothes scattered about the house and other disgusting "man stuff" is here. Once all his belongings are moved out, this is going to be the GIRLS' house! So everyone's invited over for a giant, chick party when that happens!!! :o)

Mike is moving into his apartment today. I'm glad to see things moving forward. Katie's very angry (probably more angry than me now), but after all she had to carry the burden for several months of knowing what her dad was doing to not only her mom, but to her and her sister as well. His, "I didn't know she could hear the phone conversations" are without excuse. The damage is done. I'm praying my girls can get through this and still be able to make the right choices when it comes to the men they will date and eventually marry. This is a such a critical age for them. That's why we are going to start counseling as soon as possible.

Shattered Dreams

I have been quiet for awhile because there has been a huge turn in my life. I found out on August 4th that Mike has been having a 5-month affair (with a woman who belongs on the Jerry Springer show: married, six kids, several other lovers, an addiction, money problems, you name it).

So now the truth comes out....

It started with a pornography addiction ten years ago, then progressed to emailing strangers, meeting them, and then an affair three years ago of which I found out. Being the first "official" offense, we went to counseling and I forgave him as he pledged to work it out.

It turns out there have been three affairs in the past three years. He has spent thousands of dollars on her (I found and printed the secret emails.) He even had the gall to bring her into my home and "fool around" with her in MY bedroom WHILE the girls were at home!! How stupid is that?

The very, very sad thing is that Katie (almost 15) knew about the affair for several months (he was openly on the secret cell phone with this woman (to use a nice word) whenever I wasn't home and sneaking down the street whenever he could). He lied constantly, even using his extended family in the lies, and I, being the fool I am, fell for it.

We almost made it to 20 years (next year). The girls are handling it okay. It's a range of emotions for the three of us, but God is taking care of us. We are surrounded by caring friends and family. I'm having anger issues (duh!) so if you are a praying person, please send one up for all of us.

I meet with my attorney tomorrow. Hopefully Mike will go along with everything. After all, he is the Offender (as my pastor told me). This whole thing just makes me sick, especially at how he has hurt his daughters, the ones he always claimed to love the most.

More later.

Friday Night

I'm feeling a little better today. I awoke from a nap to hear Katie instructing Emily while she was at the stove. I walked into the kitchen to see this:

My girls are growing up, baking cookies on their own!

We then took off for our favorite bookstore. We usually go to Borders because it's closer, but Katie was hoping to find a prematurely-released Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer (due out August 7th, but she heard rumors that some B&Ns had accidentally released copies along with the new Harry Potter. Alas, no such luck at this store!)

Scenes from earlier this week:

School supply shopping!

"Bring Your Child to Work Day" at RubinBrown. The Sims kids were there too. They go to our church. Their dad is a new partner at my firm.

Feeling "blah"

I attended a funeral yesterday. It was the second funeral and third death by cancer in the month of July alone. I've been feeling lethargic and out of it, just lying around reading, having not much energy to do much else. A part of life, I know, but I wish I could just "snap out of it" - I miss being my normal self! Ah well, as they say, "This too shall pass."

Tag, You're It!

Tag, You're It! OK, I'm joining the game. I've been "tagged" by another blogger friend. Here's how this little exercise in randomness works: Grab the book closest to you. Turn to page 161, and type the fifth complete sentence on your blog.

I'm currently reading Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight by Alexandra Fuller.

"On these old maps, the area in which Devuli Ranch sits has stamped across it in bold black letters, 'Not Fit for White Man's Habitation.'"

I think you see this one coming -- "TAG, YOU'RE IT!"